Dark Spirits
31 May, 2009 | 16 comments | Category: I.dentity, Senduq- Semhal, madness!, nostalgia.personal, prose.tales, thinking...
by Semhal
My parents and siblings have had more effect on my development as an individual than any other experiences in my life. My mother’s stoicism and generosity & my father’s devotion to his work and to his family have allowed me to view the world in a way that I would scarcely dare.
My father’s sacrifices and sufferings especially stimulate me to wake up every morning with a positive spirit. Although my father never had the opportunity to go to college, he has always had the wisdom to understand the workings of the Universe. When no one else knew how I felt, and when I can’t foist my distress on my friends … you know one of those days where practically nothing happens your way and you feel overwhelmingly discouraged or betrayed, he understood the reasons.
“This is what the world sometimes is… dark spirits …but you should never let it make you bitter or depressed ” he says. He told me how Mother Theresa suffered from this for decades of her life. When I have my dark spirit days, I am obsessively agitated, restless, impatient, mean and I spend too much money shopping…oh the lengths I used to go to resist the calls of my dark spirits! These obsessions are often born out of avoidance. Whenever there is something else looming that I don’t want to think about or deal with or don’t know the answer of, I sink in to my obsessions: I feed them and cloth them without understanding their purpose, cause or origin.
It is my father who helped me understand that my dark spirits are the hammers that shape me …they are what make me who I am. Without them, I cannot understand and appreciate the joy of living. He says the only way you can overcome life’s darkness is through love, forgiveness, and hope. These are things you could give and share for free and repeatedly. Although they may not diminish your pain all the way, they will surely bring you a sense of its value.
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. – Kahlil Gibran
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