senduQ

mind entropy of the ethiofrican

Flattery: Fast-tracking Success?

1 February, 2010 | 13 comments | Category: iPerceive, nostalgia.personal, Relationships, Senduq- Semhal, thinking..., Uncategorized

photocredit: tsepeaces

by senduQ blogger Semhal

Schmoozers or Ass-kissers …most of us have been drawn to such crowds at some point in our lives. I don’t know how they do it…become magnets of long lines of insecure ambitious people like myself (every now and then) who get convinced that success is only for those who are expert artists of sucking up. I have to admit, I can be too nice to people at times especially when I’m dealing with people seated higher in the job hierarchy.  But I have recently become more self-aware of this habit especially after I received some veiled criticisms about this from my dad who noticed my tendency to “worship” my boss. This newfound awareness  convicted me every time I gave one of my fake smiles or exaggerated compliments.

So as a new year resolution, I decided to work my way out of this habit even if it means risking the climb up the ladder in the job market. It was a conscious decision that I made. One of the big steps in accomplishing my goal was to choose my acquaintances carefully because you know what they say “evil company corrupts good habits.” I don’t want to boast but I was doing pretty well until…

A few weeks ago, I made a trip to Atlanta for a conference. There were many esteemed people in my field of work, people I would love to work for after graduation. I was fortunate enough to meet some great people who are doing incredible work all around the world. Unfortunately, I also crossed paths with the overt schmoozers: people who would say and do anything to be part of the “IT” crowd. They talk like they have “your back” but they are neither your friends nor confidants. They are polite and politically correct and have the appearance of doing everything effortlessly: but when they get a chance, they will sell you out at any price. I felt obliged to join their group since the person I came with had quickly befriended them (ye habesha yilugntaye:) ~ politeness). So I listened to their gossip about who has more funding or who has more publications or who gave who a face …all day

After 12 hrs of flight and 8 hours of gossip, I was ready to retire for the night so I respectfully declined their invitation to accompany them to the bar. That’s when one of the girls said “You know it is who you know not what you know. If you are not going to come and hang out, you might as well not have come.”

I would normally scratch that, roll my eyes and go on my merry way but I could not help but wonder if there was some truth in this. In today’s society has the value of hard work been compromised? Are people losing faith in the value of hard work? When I think about people who have made significant differences in the world, they have always walked alone, they were even outcasts. Think about Jesus and how he was out-casted by his people, yet isn’t it extraordinary that the life of Jesus thousands of years after his birth should move a sane soul this way? Why do we then roll our eyes to the heavens when we come across people who walk in paths different than ours? I mean let’s get real people…everything is earned…you cannot learn French in 40 hours or calculus in one afternoon no matter how much you click with the teacher. It doesn’t matter if you have the most intelligent conversation with the CEO, at the end of the day if you do not know what you need to know, you may get the job but you can’t keep it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against networking: you cannot make a difference in anyone’s life if you lock your self in your room all day. But the foundation of success is your ability and confidence to do the work well: At the end of the day it IS what you know not who you know.

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Dark Spirits

31 May, 2009 | 16 comments | Category: I.dentity, madness!, nostalgia.personal, prose.tales, Senduq- Semhal, thinking...

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by Semhal

My parents and siblings have had more effect on my development as an individual than any other experiences in my life. My mother’s stoicism and generosity & my father’s devotion to his work and to his family have allowed me to view the world in a way that I would scarcely dare.

My father’s sacrifices and sufferings especially stimulate me to wake up every morning with a positive spirit. Although my father never had the opportunity to go to college, he has always had the wisdom to understand the workings of the Universe. When no one else knew how I felt, and when I can’t foist my distress on my friends … you know one of those days where practically nothing happens your way and you feel overwhelmingly discouraged or betrayed, he understood the reasons.

“This is what the world sometimes is… dark spirits …but you should never let it make you bitter or depressed ” he says. He told me how Mother Theresa suffered from this for decades of her life. When I have my dark spirit days, I am obsessively agitated, restless, impatient, mean and I spend too much money shopping…oh the lengths I used to go to resist the calls of my dark spirits! These obsessions are often born out of avoidance. Whenever there is something else looming that I don’t want to think about or deal with or don’t know the answer of, I sink in to my obsessions: I feed them and cloth them without understanding their purpose, cause or origin.

It is my father who helped me understand that my dark spirits are the hammers that shape me …they are what make me who I am. Without them, I cannot understand and appreciate the joy of living. He says the only way you can overcome life’s darkness is through love, forgiveness, and hope. These are things you could give and share for free and repeatedly. Although they may not diminish your pain all the way, they will surely bring you a sense of its value.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. – Kahlil Gibran

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Interracial Dating…

5 March, 2009 | 38 comments | Category: Relationships, Senduq- Semhal, thinking...

t.peace mentioned that I will be one of the ‘new senduQ writers’ and that I will dabble in topics like dating, friendships, family, gender and other pieces of the frenzy that make up relationships…I will also write about other topics that strike my fancy like health to mix it up…I hope you will enjoy and share your thoughts! ~~ Semhal

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photocredit: Fazy@flickr

“The Ethiopian Girl”

I… hate being cornered as the Ethiopian girl. I identify myself as a human being, a citizen of the world. I hate the culture of identifying ourselves in a nutshell based on geography or color. I believe that God created all of us in different colors, heights, hair textures all in his image to glorify him. As human beings, we are expected to see past this and love each other. If you want to be with someone, it is because you love him/her for the way he/she makes you feel: it should have nothing to do with color or race. I have had my share of interracial dating myself and my experiences have changed my life forever. If you give people a chance, they will surprise you!

But recently I met this handsome, intelligent Ethiopian guy: I was thrilled to have found someone who is well-read that can  share my culture and weird African superstitions. Everything was going great until he started pulling away because my taste in music does not include fall out boys (come on now: ) or I don’t shop at Karen Millen. But worst of all, he wouldn’t stop bragging about all the beautiful women he dated in the past and how great they all were (all of his Exs are Caucasians). I ended the relationship soon after because of his lack of respect for who I am, especially when it became apparent when he compared me to the white women he dated: it was hurtful for a lot of reasons.

What Guys Want…

I have recently noticed more and more Ethiopian men, like other black men, dating Caucasian females. Either that or I am noticing it more after my breakup. Either way, I was becoming wary and critical of interracial couples and I didn’t like it. So I decided to seek for an outside perspective from my Somali friend who is finishing up her Ph.D. thesis in Africana studies and who has dated outside her race. Her advice, “Men want what they can’t have. Black men could not have white women for the longest time: that’s why you see more black men with white women than the reverse.”

Is my friend right? Does this mean that people don’t always get in to interracial relationships for the right reasons? Do women have to be more unattainable now to get attention?

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senduQ’s new writers

25 January, 2009 | 3 comments | Category: for.the.love.of.words!, Senduq- Semhal

senduQ is bringing a news set of writers with feisty new voices – young ethiopian females mostly outside of Ethiopia who’re gonna open the box/senduq to speak out about newer, fresher topics.

I (tpeace) will introduce them as they post.

Semhal – is a graduate student who will write mostly about dating, relationships, friendships, family and a bit about health.

shadowsppl1

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